Horribly Wrong
by Pyrefangs
Summary: Six years after the fall of the Archdemon, the new First Enchanter is visited by somebody from her past... and an interesting addition. Currently on break, more will come later I promise
1. In which Morrigan returns

Horribly Wrong

Author's Note: So I accidently deleted this from as I was trying to replace the first chapter with a new one! Yes…that's correct, I'm adding to the story! YAY! But yeah, sorry to all of you who had it listed as favorite. Not sure what accidently deleting it did.

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

~.~.~.~.~.~

Nelia, First Enchanter of the Mages Circle tower, sat in her office going through the day's paper work. She let out a soft sigh, rubbing her wrists in between writing sentences. At her feet, her Mabari lay curled up on a carpet, whining slightly in its sleep.

Laying her pen down, Nelia leaned back in her chair. It was fast approaching the six year anniversary of the ending of the fifth blight, and she knew she would be expected to make an appearance in Denerim to honor the memorial that had been built.

She pushed at Mouse with her toes, attempting to get him to roll over. "Come-on you great lump, you're putting my other foot to sleep.

On her desk sat a portrait of the Warden who had ended the blight by giving his own life as sacrifice, and to this day she would never forget him. She smiled at the portrait fondly, and could almost hear his voice in her head taunting her for over-feeding the Mabari.

From the hall, one of the Templars began to shout. "First Enchanter!" He crashed through her door, face red from running. "There is an Apostate at the gate who claims to know you!"

Looking up, Nelia quirked a brow. "An Apostate? Interesting…what does it look like?" She managed to free her foot as the Templar had startled Mouse awake.

"Dark hair, revealing robes, had a child with it…maybe six years in age?" He spoke in between attempts to catch his breath.

Nelia jumped up with a start, an angry scowl on her face. "Tell the Templars to leave her to me." He grabbed her staff and tore out of the room, leaving the Templar in the dust.

At the doors to the Tower, she charged a lightning spell and ran down the front walk until she was face to face with the dark haired Apostate. "I should kill you where you stand Morrigan. You no good, lying bitch."

Morrigan held out her hands in surrender. "Good to see you too old friend. How are you? I'm doing quite well myself." She smirked at the angry mage. "Getting violent in your old age are we?"

Growling, Nelia shot the bolt of lightning at Morrigan's feet, then charged another. "How dare you show your face after what you did to us…to Alistair! That ritual… how could you do that to us? I though you were my friend."

Slowly, Morrigan folded her arms and sighed. "I assure you the ritual worked, just not as I had planned it."

Next to Morrigan, a small boy in a robe stood, idly shifting one foot to the other. "Oh shut up you crazy witch. Just let me tell her so we can get through this quickly and painlessly." He gave Morrigan a shove with small hands, attempting to push her out of Nelia's path.

Nelia gave the child a look of curiosity. "What a fine mother you make Morrigan, letting the child speak to you in such a way." She narrowed her eyes. "So this is Alistair's child then? Is it an old god?"

"Oh, I'm not HER child… well, not really. And no, I'm not an old god either." The boy stepped forward and dropped his hood, looking up at Nelia with a cheerful smile. "You gotta imagine how gross it was though not only to have to sleep with her, but to have to be birthed by her as well."

Sinking to her knees before the boy, Nelia's mouth dropped open. "It can't be? Alistair?" In almost comical slow motion, she slumped to the side in a dead faint.

As soon as she hit the ground, the younger Templar who had ran out with her gave a shout to the pair who guarded the doors. "Go and get the Knight Commander!" He pulled his sword out and turned back to watch exactly what the Apostate and child would do.

Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Like I said, the ritual went a little wrong." She crouched down next to the fainted elf, sighing. "It seems like it has not been a good few years for our old friend…"

Alistair rolled his eyes, kneeling on Nelia's opposite side. "Yes, well… if you had just listened to me when I told you we should go to her…"

"Alistair, need I remind you that you were all of two years of age…" Morrigan stood, arms folded. "I thought I was going crazy… I mean, hearing a two year old talk with the knowledge of an adult."

Smirking, Alistair grinned at her. "So, you're admitting I'm intelligent are you now?"

Between them, Nelia began to stir. She blinked a few times while she glanced between the two. "Morrigan… I'm not going crazy am I?"

Morrigan let out a laugh. "If it were only true." She crouched down once more, offering a hand to the elf.

Nelia took the offered hand, her own shaking slightly. She straightened her robes as she was pulled to her feet, and then looked at the boy standing next to her. "Eer, Morrigan… how exactly could his happen?" She kneeled down, looking over Alistair carefully. "Do you suppose that the Archdemon's soul is playing a trick on you? I would expect any child of Alistair's to look like him…this must be some sort of hoax."

Alistair let out a string of giggles, and then leaned into Nelia's ear, whispering softly. He took a step back after a moment and gave her a grin.

Eyes growing wide as he whispered to her, "Maker's breath…" Nelia quickly stood and blushed brightly. "Ok, I'm convinced, embarrassed… but convinced."

"What did you tell her?" Morrigan quirked a brow and looked down at the smaller boy.

Alistair flashed an impish grin to Morrigan, then pulled his hood back over his head. "We should probably get to somewhere more private. I do believe your templars are curious about the crazy witch."

Morrigan scowled, sending a glare to the back of Alistair's head. "You little nug humper."

Nelia, still red, nodded slowly. She walked to the nearest of the guards. "The woman is not a threat, nor is she a blood mage. She stood with me in the battle with the Archdemon. I will take her into my care as a Gray Warden and keep her with me."

Before the younger Templar had a chance to answer her, the Knight Commander walked forward and scowled. "This is highly irregular First Enchanter." He folded his arms, eyes never leaving Morrigan. "I do not trust Apostates. The chantry will demand we bring her to justice."

"Collan…" Nelia rolled her eyes. "Please, until I process some new information. That child is extremely precious to me, and the woman has answers I need. So please, just this once… go against your training and trust me?"

Gritting his teeth, the Knight Commander spun on his heals and walked back into the tower, gesturing for the rest to follow.

Alistair appeared next to Nelia, wrapping one of his hands in hers. "Boy, you sure do have a way with men."

With a laugh, Nelia lead him into the tower with Morrigan trailing along behind.

"I still want to know what the little nug humper told you…"


	2. More mage fainting

Horribly Wrong – Chapter 2

Author's Note: Remember when I said this would be a 1-shot. I lied. Also, thanks for the reviews and favorites and stuff! You all make me feel loved! Sorry it takes me so long to write chapters, I'm horribly unorganized and lazy.

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Nelia sat on her bed, one hand absently stroking the hair of the boy who was currently using her lap as a pillow, listening to Morrigan. "He was talking by the time he was a year old then?"

Arms folded, Morrigan paced back and forth next to the bed. "You have no idea how irritating that little brat can be. He was bad as an adult, that is true… but as a child, it's almost as though he is putting all his energy into pissing me off."

"You'd do it too if you were me." Alistair spoke from where he lay. "You knew about how I did not like you… if you had just listened to me four years ago, then you could have been rid of me and we'd all be happy." As he spoke, he wrapped an arm around Nelia's back.

Morrigan paused in her pacing, blinking at the two. "Alistair… I'm aware of just how much you missed Nelia... but don't you think your current position is a little uh… inappropriate?"

"I'm six. I don't know any better." Alistair looked up just long enough to stick his tongue out at Morrigan, and then buried his head back in Nelia's lap.

Nelia, who was choosing to ignore the two, sighed. "Tell me, exactly what happened from your point of view Alistair?"

Morrigan, sensing defeat, plopped into a nearby chair. "Start at the fight on Fort Drakon, she'll need to know what happened there too."

Alistair rolled to the side and sat up, legs folded beneath him. "Hmm, Fort Drakon… ok, remember the part where I grabbed the sword and ran in swinging?"

Leaning back against the headboard, Nelia watched Alistair as he spoke. "I do. You pierced its head and a beam of light burst out of it and surrounded you, then branched off and hit Morrigan." She looked suddenly sad. "And that's when you died."

Alistair scooted closer to Nelia and placed a small hand on her knee. "Yes… well what happened there was the light that hit me was the soul exiting the Archdemon. As soon as it touched my body it spoke inside my head, I told me that it saw the plan to transfer it into a child's body… " He frowned, clearly trying to think of the best way to describe it. "The spirit was... tired? It did not want to stay in our world." He smirked. "So, it did the best thing it could think of. It pushed my soul out of my body and into the baby's… then it killed itself on the taint in my body."

From her chair, Morrigan picked at her nails. "Clearly the Old Gods do not like having decisions made for them."

Nelia nodded, quietly processing this information as Alistair went on. "As soon as the light faded, I passed out… or fell asleep… whichever makes more sense. I dreamed while I slept, that I was safe and secure for some reason. I dreamed of you as well Nelia, that we would be together when I woke."

With a snort, Morrigan stood and moved toward the window, looking out over the lake. "Boy were you wrong." She flashed Nelia a smile. "As soon as that little nug humper was born, he started screaming… screaming that did not stop until he was a year old. I swear… the only peace I got was when he was sleeping."

Before Alistair had a chance to defend himself, Nelia spoke up. "How did you realize that the baby was Alistair?"

"Oh! Oh!" Alistair bounced in place. "Ok, it took me almost an entire year to get used to my new body. I couldn't walk, feed myself… this body's muscles were undeveloped at best. But, after a year of working on it I finally was able to talk."

Morrigan sat in the window, a smirk played at her features. "And you haven't shut up since." She glanced back out the window, deep in thought.

Nelia giggled. "I can imagine it wasn't easy for you." She gave a small sigh. "Well, I can guess the events that took place the following years; it hurts me that you would not contact me Morrigan… You cannot imagine the pain I went through after that day."

Tears welled in Alistair's eyes and he tried to wipe them away, sniffling sadly into his sleeve. "She's gone… you know." He gestured toward the window where a few feathers were drifting to the ground. "I'm sorry, this was her plan… she didn't want to stay and get captured."

Nelia jumped up and ran to the window, watching as a giant bird blended in with a passing flock. "Cullen is going to kill me!" She turned back toward the room and plopped back onto the bed. "Well, now what do I do? Maker's breath…this is a lot of information to process all at once."

Alistair sled to the edge of the bed, feet swinging back and forth. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry… about you know, everything."

"Oh Alistair…" Rushing forward, Nelia grabbed a hold of Alistair and hugged him tightly. "I would never blame you for anything… "

Tears suddenly gone, Alistair grinned into Nelia's chest and wrapped his hands about her body in an attempt to pull her closer.

Nelia, catching onto Alistair's farse, pulled back and scowled at the small boy. "Morrigan was right… there is something about that, just wrong…" She shook her head and walked to the door of her room, throwing it open. "Alright, there is a mage I know would be just overjoyed to see you, and I need to appease my templar before he gets to angry with me."

"Aww." Shooting her a hurt look, Alistair jumped off the bed and followed, quickly grabbing her hand with one of his. "Wait… your templar? What do you mean?"

"You mean you didn't know about… ooh, your vows." Nelia lead him down one of the passages. "You must not have been told, but every mage that ever lives in this tower has a templar bound to him or her. It's really complicated… I hate it… but it's part of my life."

They arrived at the senior enchanter quarters and Alistair gave the ground a scuffing. "I see, so you're a slave to two masters? I'm sorry."

Nelia gave his small hand a squeeze before knocking on the door. "You have nothing to be sorry about; at least Cullen isn't the horrible sort."

The door slowly opened and a woman with very gray hair stood at the door, blinking sleep from her eyes. "First Enchanter, what a surprise, to what do I owe this visit?" She looked down at the child and gave a short laugh. "Oh, I do hope you are not here to try and convince me to take a new apprentice… I fear I am getting to old for such things."

"Wynne?!" Alistair looked up at the older woman, then let go of Nelia's hand and wrapped his arms around Wynne's waste in a hug, bouncing in place as he did so.

Wynne took a moment to pull the boy loose from her person, then kneeled down and took a good look at him. "Do I know you child?" She blinked slowly and realization slowly spread across her face. She looked sharply at Nelia. "This is his child? The one you told me about? That would explain why the Knight Commander was complaining of Apostates at the tower…"

"Wynne," Nelia started softly. "You may want to sit down."

Alistair looked up at Wynne with a goofy grin on his face.

"Why would I need to sit down?" Wynne stood straight, looking with confusion between the two.

"That isn't Alistair's child… that's Alistair." Nelia placed a delicate hand on the top of Alistair's head and gave a halfhearted smile to the elder mage who kneeled once more and looked straight into Alistair's face.

"Hullo Wynne!" Alistair smiled a toothy grin which promptly faded as Wynne fainted and fell to the side with a thud.


	3. Mental Urges

Horribly Wrong – Chapter 3

Author's Note: I'm moving to a new house this week! Yay new house! And yet, I still find time to churn out this…craziness. Hope you enjoy! Again thanks to everyone who reviews/reads my stuff! You're the only thing that's keeping this story from being a 1-shot! Oh, and don't expect a chapter for a few days probably. I'm out of juice…

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"This is all so very confusing." Wynne sat in the First Enchanter's office with Alistair sitting in her lap and Mouse curled up at her feet. Across from her Nelia sat with her head in her hands and to round off the group a rather perturbed looking Cullen stood behind Nelia, silently watching.

Alistair bounced where he sat, lapsing into a rather six-year-old attitude in the silent room. "Isn't it fun though? I'm alive, so everybody can be happy again!"

Cullen, who had stayed quiet during the entire explanation, finally spoke up. "That is the complication. If I am not mistaken, your order to our Queen was that she would only be Queen if you were dead." He waved a hand. "Clearly, you are not dead…thus, complicated."

"I had not thought of that." Alistair stilled quickly, looking down at the floor. "Well, that puts a damper on my plans…"

Blinking, Nelia looked up. "It is not so unheard of for a child to lead a country is it? Perhaps if we went and saw Eamon…"

Wynne nodded. "Yes, perhaps he would have some sort of idea how to sort this out." She held onto Alistair as a grandmother would a child she had not seen in years. "I know you were always reluctant to take the throne, but… well, Anora is not the best choice."

"No no, it's not that." Alistair laughed. "Aside from the fact that it would be impossible to convince Anora that I'm not just some child you coached to say whatever I say… I have this grand plan to find a way to age myself quickly." He glanced at Nelia. "I may not have the taint anymore, but you only have 24 years to live now… and I'd rather not be stuck a child half of them."

Behind Nelia, Cullen stiffened and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Perhaps I do not want to be here right now Nel?" He whispered quickly, anger on his face.

Realization dawned on Alistair's face and he looked suddenly sad and alone. "Oh… how foolish I was to think… of course, you've moved on and are living your life." Tears welled in his eyes and he cursed his child body, unable to stop them from falling. "I can just… go."

Nelia placed a hand over Cullen's and gave him a soft smile, then looked to the now sobbing boy. "Alistair… you do not have to leave. I will gladly go to the ends of the world to help you in whatever you need… Cullen may be my templar." She emphasized the word my slightly, "But you will always be my first and only love."

Cullen smirked, "Jumps to conclusions doesn't he?" He rolled his eyes, giving his head a shake. "What I meant was, I will have nothing to do with any planning that may end up going against Chantry law. So long as I don't hear it, then it doesn't happen."

Alistair's mouth formed an 'oh' shape and he launched himself out of Wynne's arms, ran around the desk and hopped into Nelia's lap. "Hurrah! I win!" He pumped his hands in the air and looked generally like a child who'd just been given a new toy.

"Impertinent…" Wynne gave the pair a smile. "So, as I understand Alistair… you are currently thirty two, trapped in the body of a six year old?"

Nelia snorted at Wynne's comment. "When you put it that way, you make him sound so old. I myself am only twenty five this year…"

Alistair stuck his tongue out at Wynne. "I hate you, you are an evil woman." He sighed. "But yes, to answer your question, I have all the knowledge, thoughts and mental urges of a man. And this body," He gestured to himself. "Is unable to act on anything I want it to do."

Cullen quirked a brow, a look of humor passing over his features. "Now that is just sad, you mean you can't…" He trailed off, waggling his eyebrows slightly.

"Correct…" Alistair shook his head. "Fighting at my previous strength is out of the question. Swimming, I still haven't re-learned that. And… well you know…" He flashed Nelia a grin over his shoulder. "Can't do that either."

Nelia's eyes went wide as the two boys passed suggestions. "My my gentlemen, and here I thought you were both Chantry raised."

"Oh my." Wynne blushed slightly. "And here I thought you saw me as a grandmother Alistair…such things you say!" At her feet, Mouse gave a woof of laughter, even he caught the joke.

Cullen let out a long laugh. "Chantry raised or not Senior Enchanter Wynne. We are still men, and we will always think like men." He ruffled Alistair's hair in an uncharacteristic brotherly way before heading toward the door to the office. "Alright Nel, I will leave you three to whatever planning you wish to do and ready your trip. Do you still wish to leave in the morning?"

"Trip…" Nelia looked confused for a moment, and then jumped up suddenly, sending Alistair tumbling into the desk. "Oh! The memorial!" She quickly dug around on her desk and found a letter. "I meant to tell you! I need to leave tonight; there is somebody who is going to be meeting me half way there." She held up a scrap of paper with triumph.

Alistair looked up at her from his place on the floor, rubbing his head where it hit the desk. "Oww." He glared up at the letter in her hands. "Memorial? Meeting? Explanation!"

Wynne helped Alistair out from under the desk. "Every year she visits your… "Trialing off, Wynne frowned. "Well, this does complicate things doesn't it."

"My? My what?" Alistair looked thoroughly confused. After a moment it dawned on him the time of year and his eyes got wide. "Ooooh. I get it."

Nelia nodded. "Yes, that. But this year we were all planning to make a trip of it instead of just me. Everybody is back in the country after all."

Eyes still wide, Alistair's face took on a look of fright and shock all at the same time. "Don't tell me… not everybody."

"Oh! It will be wonderful, just think of what Leliana will say!" Wynne clapped her hands happily. "This just about makes the trip worth going out in winter I say."

Alistair ran for the door, letting out a cry of fear. "No! Let me go! I'll go back and live with her! Anything but that!" He was stopped by Cullen who easily picked him up and slung him over a shoulder.

"I'll just take him and meet you at the boats then First Enchanter?" Cullen held Alistair in such a way that he couldn't flail too much.

"Alistair! It won't be so bad… but I really cannot leave you here alone." Nelia approached slowly. "Please understand, after all it was you who walked into my plans."

Wynne joined the, frowning at the squalling boy. "What exactly is the matter with telling everybody that you are alive child?"

"Idon'twantZevranknowing." Alistair muttered into Cullen's back, refusing to look at the two.

"What?" All three adults said at once.

"I. Don't. Want. Zevran. Knowing." Alistair bit out each word, blushing bright red. "He's gonna pick on me."

With a hoot of laughter, Wynne patted Alistair on the head. "You worry about the silliest of things! I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to see you are alive!"


	4. I told you so

Horribly Wrong – Chapter 4

Author's Note: Trying to keep up with Roze13 chapter for chapter here. But, if you find my work getting in any way rushed sounding, tell me and I'll slow up a bit. ^.^

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Zevran kneeled in the middle of the road looking directly into Alistair's eyes. From the moment Nelia explained what had happened over the last six years he had a dead serious look on his face. He slowly reached out and poked a finger into Alistair's chest.

"Oww!" Alistair took a step back, rubbing where he was poked. "What did you poke me for, what gives Zevran?"

Zevran stood and turned away from Alistair, trying hard to hide his laughter. He walked quickly to Nelia's side and bit his bottom lip. "So, you are telling me… that not only is our fearless prince alive… but he's…" Zevran broke off and let out a snort of laughter. "A…child?!" He barked out the last two words, keeling over with laughter.

Alistair balled his fists and scowled at Zevran's laughing form. "Nobody asked you, stupid elf." Muttering, he began to kick at the dirt. "I hate that stupid elf…thinks he's better than me…"

Nelia sighed. "Aww, don't pick on him Zev." She walked over to Alistair and pulled him into a hug. "Zev doesn't mean it love, he's just jealous."

Over Nelia's shoulder, Alistair shot Zevran a look of contempt and stuck his tongue out. "Damn right he's jealous."

This only made Zevran's laughter grow louder. "And now he has a size to match how he's always acted!" He fell to the ground while laughing, eyes welling with tears. "This is just too much Nelia! Oh my… "

Alistair pulled away from Nelia's arms and ran at Zevran with a growl, stopping just short and kicking the elf square in the backside with his small boot. Sadly this did not produce the effect he wanted, it only made Zevran laugh even louder.

"Now now Zevran." Wynne looked down at them from her horse. "Don't be so mean to the poor boy, he's been through a very interesting six years."

Nelia returned to her horse, jumping back into the saddle. "She's right Zev, now let's get a move on…we want to get a bit further before it's time to make camp, and you're just holding us up."

Alistair scowled at Zevran, who was still laughing in the dirt, and walked over to Mouse who was waiting next to the horses. He threw another pout the elf's way before climbing onto Mouse's back and wrapping arms around the mabari's neck for support. "I told you he'd make fun of me."

Zevran chose that moment to stand and turn around, only to be faced with the sight of six year old Alistair using the Mabari as a mount. This, unfortunately for Alistair, sent the ex-assassin into another fit of laughter.

From his horse, after being oddly silent during the entire meeting, Cullen let out a bark of laughter. "To the elf's defense Alistair… you do look a little…hmm… cute." He nodded down at the smaller boy. "Yes, that is the word I would use. Cute."

Mouse looked up at Nelia and gave a rather indignant sounding woof. With a smirk, Nelia shook her head, "I understand that he is the rightful king of Ferelden." Another woof and Mouse turned his nose up in the air, looking smug. Nelia let out a giggle, "Well, I'm quite aware that the pair of you are not that cute… and how much of an honor it is you are carrying him."

Wynne struggled not to burst into laughter. "Alright you three, we should really get moving less the beacon of darkspawn attraction that Nelia is will attract us some guests."

Zevran pulled himself back onto his horse, still snorting slightly with laughter, and spurred his horse to Nelia's side. "So, my dear Warden… does this mean that I finally have a chance with you?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Rolling her eyes, Nelia took off at a trot. "A snowball's chance in hell Zev." She caught up with Mouse who had decided that it was time to go, and settled into a brisk pace at Alistair's side.

Cullen attempted to catch up to Nelia and ride next to her, but Zevran noticed him and he found himself under the scrutinous gaze of the assassin. "Can I help you Assassin?" He blinked at the elf, not entirely sure of the elf's intentions.

"You know, I didn't realize I would be traveling with…" Zevran broke off, eyes narrowed as he looked Cullen up and down. His eyes flashed and he smirked slyly. "This trip may prove to be very interesting… very interesting indeed."

Wynne, who was bringing up the rear of the little group, laughed outright at this. "You had better run while you can Cullen, now that he's settled his eyes on you… he may never let up. Just ask Nelia."

Cullen, blushing slightly at this, flashed Wynne a smile. "You know, I'm not even entirely sure that prospect frightens me… as odd as that sounds."

"Oh ho!" Zevran laughed. "Oh yes, very interesting."

At the front of the group, Alistair was deep in conversation with Nelia. "I meant what I said, you know… about wanting to free myself from this form for you."

Nelia placed a hand on the top of Alistair's head, he on the Mabari brought it to just about her elbow height on the horse. "Seeing you again makes me both happy and sad all over again. Though this time of year always brings around less than happy memories for me."

"I'm sorry that Morrigan didn't alert you sooner…" Alistair had a slight scowl on his face. "I knew she was afraid of you though, that is why I think she waited until this year… so that it would be easier for you to believe me."

With a laugh, Nelia nodded. "I do… well, did hate her. Loosing you was the hardest thing that I have ever done, so I am just happy to have you back, six or not."

Alistair looked up at her face and turned red. "Damn this body." He grumbled under this breath. "Aww hell, I'll even settle for eighteen."

"If we don't succeed…" Nelia started suddenly. "I will be happy waiting for you to grow up you know." Her face took on a serious look. "I do mean that, and if you find some other girl along the way I won't be upset either."

Shaking his head, Alistair reached out and patted Nelia's leg. "Now that's just depressing talk. You and I are good at succeeding where everyone fails. And don't you even talk about any other woman to me, I've only eyes for you my dear."

As he spoke, Nelia could almost hear his adult voice in her mind instead of the child one he was currently using. She knew then without a doubt that he had been returned to her. "Alright then, enough talk of the depressing. Let us focus on the task at hand, for we should run into Leliana in the morning."

Turning his head, Alistair looked behind him where Zevran and Wynne had fallen into an old banter about murder and her bosom. He made a face and plunked his head on top of Mouse's, moaning. "This entire trip is going to be a nightmare."


	5. Being a Templar blows

Horribly Wrong – Chapter 5

Author's Note: So what are the odds that my readers are artists as well? Cause, I'd give huge internet cookies to somebody who drew me a picture of 6-year-old Alistair using a Mabari as a pony… I really would.

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"So tell me," Still a half day's journey out of Denerim, Alistair had begun to run out of things to talk about. "Seeing as I never really was told about it during my training, just how do Templars come to be bound to mages?" He was riding next to Cullen, the other three a bit behind them.

Cullen looked down at the boy with a look mixed between jealousy and pity. "You are truly lucky to have not found out. " He let out a slight sigh. "I am assuming you are aware that as a templar, the main task is to keep mages in line. The abilities we have will always run opposite of a mages, where they can use magic, we can take it away."

"Right." Alistair nodded, "I know about that."

Cullen raked a hand through his hair, "Ok, well hmm… how to explain." He pursed his lips. "When a new mage is brought to the tower, they are cut on the palm of their hand so that a Phylactery can be made with their blood. When this happens, a Templar is chosen to be bound to the mage and the templar's blood joins the mages in the Phylactery."

Eyes wide, Alistair looks up at Cullen with shock running across his features. "Why would they do that? Aren't the Phylactery used to track down mages should they run away?"

"Let me finish." Cullen shot him a look, and then continued. "During training, the bond between the mage and templar is extremely weak." He paused, "Hmm, an example I suppose would be what happened during Nel's training. I was told to shadow her at all times, always outside the door or standing close by during her lessons. I was eighteen when she was assigned to me, and she was only four."  
Alistair let out a whistle. "Wow… that had to be really boring. How many years was her training?"

"Fourteen." With a smile, Cullen shrugged slightly. "Boring yes, but it was duty. Now, when they are ready, every apprentice goes through a Harrowing… or they are made tranquil. I am assuming you know what these are?"

With a nod, Alistair motioned him to continue.

"First of all, if a mage is made tranquil, their phylactery is smashed and the templar that was connected to them freed. However, should a mage attend a Harrowing and pass, then the bond is strengthened tenfold and their templar is stuck with them for the remainder of the mages life."

Alistair blinked. "What happens if they do not survive the harrowing?"

Cullen gave Alistair a dark look. "Should the Harrowing fail and the mage return possessed, the Phylactery is smashed and the mage killed… more often then naut by the Templar they were bound to."

Looking over his shoulder, Alistair took a moment to watch Nelia as she laughed at something Zevran had been saying. "So you… stood over her?"

"It was the most frightening moment of my life… at the time, I believe I was in love with her." Cullen followed Alistair's gaze and smiled slightly. "With her, it's hard not to… fall in love with her I mean." He chuckled as Alistair shot him a rather possessive look. "Worry not my little friend; I fear my eyes have strayed from her to a new target as of late." After letting his eyes linger on one of the three behind them for a moment, he turned forward once more. "Now… does that answer all your questions?"

Alistair blanched Cullen's words, but did not question them. He instead gave the Templar a sly grin. "No….. This being bound, tell me exactly what it means."

With a scowl, Cullen glanced down from his horse. "And here I thought you were an adult…yet you ask questions like a pestering child." He sighed. "Ok, the bond is purely physical. When the mage is injured, the Templar feels it. This is so that the templar might come to the rescue of the mage… should there be danger."

"Woh… really?" Alistair's eyes got wide. "Then… it must have been a nightmare when she left the tower during the blight."

Cullen shook his head. "The minute she became a Gray Warden our bond was cut." He smiled. "Her blood was changed, and so her Phylactery became useless. But anyway, aside from feeling the injuries, should the mage die it would end the life of the Templar. That is why there are so many occasions where we will break a mages Phylactery… this way we preserve the life of as many Templars as we can."

"So, if you and she were no longer bound, why do you say you are now?" Alistair folded his arms, trying to make sense of all of it.

Rolling his eyes, Cullen sighed. "I am beginning to think you care more of her circumstance and less about the workings of the Templars. When she returned after the blight, she had a new Phylactery made of her own free will, and I was once again bound to her."

Blushing, Alistair looked away from Cullen. "Maybe I do… but thank you for telling me… and thank you for looking out for her all these years."

"How could I not?" Cullen sighed, then spurred his horse to go faster, muttering as he went. "She saved me from myself."

Alistair watched the Templar ride ahead of them, sighing as the high walls of the city loomed ever closer. He stopped Mouse from moving so that the others could catch up to him, then started moving once more as he positioned himself between Nelia and Zevran's horses. "Nelia…what are we going to do when we get into the city?"

Nelia, who had been curious as to what the two men had been talking about, gave a small shrug. "Well, every year when I go alone, I will enter the city, go and have a meal with Queen Anora, visit the tomb and the roof of the fort… then return to the tower."

"Oh… that could be a problem then, I don't want Anora seeing me, she'll get the wrong idea." He folded his arms, brow furrowed in thought. "What are we going to do about that?"

Nelia gave a laugh. "Don't worry." She smirked. "You will be introduced as Alex, my newest apprentice whom I brought with me. Your face will be half wrapped in bandages due to horrible burning you inflicted upon yourself… the reason 'Alex' was delivered to the tower in the first place, and Anora shall be none the wiser."

From beside them, Zevran let out a laugh at the idea, then spurred his horse forward and ran ahead to catch up with Cullen so that he could be let in on the plan.

"Good plan…" Alistair smiled. "I hope you're not actually going to burn me though…Who would hurt an innocent child like me?"

With a snort, Wynne gave Alistair a look of pure amusement. "Somehow I can't bring myself to believe a word you said" She turned and looked at the city as they approached it, then squinted. "I believe I see a bubbly looking red head waving at us from the gates Nelia…Oh, and it looks as though Shale is with her."

"Ah! Excellent… then Sten and Oghran must be near as well." Nelia smiled. "It has been so long since we were all together…"

Wrapping his arms around Mouse's neck, Alistair almost wished he could turn around and go back. He sighed in defeat as the red head came into his view, bouncing up and down next to Shale. "I hate my life." He moaned into the Mabari's fur, earning a woof from Mouse.


	6. You've shrunk

Horribly Wrong – Chapter 6

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long. Moving sucks. Like seriously sucks…and I still don't have my couch back. Grr. So yeah, sorry if this chapter seems kinda forced or rushed… and I fail at forgetting a character is in a room and giving them nothing to do/say. So if I leave somebody out, just assume they're being quiet. But yeah, please forgive the long wait between chapters. I'm not dead, honest.

Disclaimer: The characters, places and things of the Dragon Age universe do not belong to me. If they did, Alistair would live at my house and Zevran would be in a collar.

Zevran lead his horse to the now bouncing Orlesian bard, a grin on his face. "Leliana!" He jumped from his horse and swept her into his arms. "My but aren't you looking lovely this fine day!"

Squealing, Leliana squirmed out of Zevran's arms and playfully smacked his arm. "Zevran, I see you haven't changed any."

"Mmm… I was under the impression you loved me just the way I am!" Zevran flashed her a smirk, then turned to the Golem who was shifting between feet. "Shale my dear lady!" He sauntered closer and flashed a grin. "Are those new crystals? My but aren't you looking nice!"

Shale folded her arms and regarded Zevran carefully. "The Painted Elf attempts to flatter me. I am not impressed."

Hanging his head, Zevran let out a sigh, then turned in time to help Cullen from his horse. "Well, at least I know somebody here still likes me." He smiled hopefully to the Templar.

Cullen quirked a brow, a small half smile on his face. "Perhaps." He gracefully moved away from Zevran's hands and went about pulling his things from the horse. "The others are just a bit behind… the child is dragging his feet."

After letting out a laugh, Zevran lead the two horses to the stable house next to the gate. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"Child?" Leliana blinked, and then looked down the road. "What child?" She looked between Cullen and Zevran. "Did Nelia take an apprentice?"

Cullen gave a shrug. "It is not my story to tell I'm afraid." He pointed as three figures came into view down the road. "But, if you'll have a close look at Mouse… I'm sure you can figure it out."

Looking thoroughly confused, Leliana craned her neck and watched as Mouse walked closer. "Mouse is carrying a child on his back… But, the only way he would do something like that is if it was a child attached to its mast…" She trailed off, her eyes going wide. "Cullen! Don't tell me you and Nelia…"

As Cullen attempted to deny this, Nelia spurred her horse ahead and all but flew off it into Leliana's arms. "Lel!" She hugged the bard tightly. "Oh it's been too long!"

After steadying the both of them, Leliana exchanged greetings and pleasantries, but her mind was kept distracted as Mouse came to a stop at her feet and lay down, rolling to the side so the child on his back was forced to jump up.

Alistair, who had his hood covering his head, gave Leliana a look of pure panic and flung himself behind Nelia, hiding. "Please… anything but this."

Zevran returned from delivering various horses and smirked. "Perhaps we should move to a more…" He glanced at the guards who stood next to the gate. "Secure location?"

Leliana attempted to get a better look at Alistair as he kept his face well hidden in Nelia's skirts. "I… uh… Oh alright." She fished a small key from her dress. "I had a stopover in Redcliffe before I came here." She held the key out. "It took some convincing, but Eamon has agreed to let us stay in the estate while we are all here."

Nelia shot Cullen a look of pure apology, then scooped Alistair's hand into hers. "Keep your face covered." She whispered this quickly to him before holding an arm to Leliana. "I promise I'll tell you everything Lel."

Shale, who had been keeping rather quiet up until this point, blinked down at Alistair as the group made its way into town. She then turned to Wynne, who had also remained rather silent and gave a slight sigh. "Has it really had a child?"

Chuckling, Wynne gave Shale a knowing look. "You will just have to wait to find out like the rest of us my dear."

The group arrived at the manor to find Oghren passed out in the dining hall next to a few empty bottles. Sten sat next to him with a bottle in his hand, swaying slightly in his seat.

"No way!" Alistair ran forward and looked between the two. "You beat Oghran at a drinking game? Sten…my respect in you has gone way up."

Still swaying, Sten looked down and squinted at Alistair. "You've shrunk." He passes out after speaking, head crashing into the table with a thud.

Blinking slowly, Leliana looked at the scene, her mind attempting to wrap itself around the event. "I am very confused…" She flashed Nelia a puppy dog look. "Would somebody please explain?"

Everyone took seats around the table, all eyes on Nelia. "Let me start by explaining that… this is hard to explain."

"Alright…" Alistair crawled onto the table and pulled off his traveling cloak. "I'm only going to explain this once." He nodded at Nelia. "The night before the battle with the Archdemon six years ago Nelia Amall convinced Alistair Therin to perform a ritual with one Morrigan… uh… sneaky witch thief."

Leliana's eyes widened slightly as she took in the appearance of the boy on the table. She opened her mouth to speak only to be interrupted quickly.

"Foolishly Alistair agreed to this, even though he was madly in love with Nelia Amall, he went to the bed of the evil witch and helped… erm… perform the ritual." A deep blush appeared on his face.

Zevran leaned forward, a brow quirked. "Why didn't anybody tell me? I'm good at performing those types of rituals… I could have helped."

Eyes rolling, Alistair continued. "The purpose of the ritual was to impregnate Morrigan so that when the final blow was struck to the Archdemon, the unborn child would destroy the taint instead of the Gray Warden's death. The end result being the old god that the Archdemon once was would be reborn as Morrigan's child."

Nelia looked down at her hands, sure she had Alistair back… but six years of grief are hard to forget. "As few of you are aware, the only way to kill an Archdemon is for a Gray Warden to give up their life to wipe the taint. The two cancel each other out in a sense."

"Would somebody explain why there is a six year old standing here that looks…oh wait." Leliana trailed off. "You're Morrigan's child?" Her jaw dropped.

"Would you let me finish woman?" Folding his arms, Alistair sent a scowl in Leliana's direction. "Alright… so you are all aware that Alistair struck the final blow against the Archdemon and died… well, he didn't die." He paused. "I didn't die." Slowly he sat on the edge of the table.

Leliana slowly stood and walked to Alistair's side, leaning in close. "Maker's breath, I don't believe it!" She crumpled to the floor in a dead faint.

"Andraste's bleeding ass, what is with you women and fainting?" Alistair jumped off the table and attempted to pull Leliana up.

Wynne moved over and dumped some water on Leliana's face. "My goodness… your time with Morrigan has not improved the things you say young man."

"Pftt, like you wouldn't be saying the same stuff if you'd have to spend six years with that woman." He turned and walked back to the table.

Zevran leaned forward, resting his chin on a plam. "So tell me… little Alistair…" He smirked. "What exactly happened after you died?"

Wynne helped Leliana back into a chair, then turned her attention to Alistair. "I believe that everybody would like to know that."

Alistair let out a growl at Zevran. "Call me that again and I'll…"

"You'll what little man? Attack my knees?" Zevran egged Alistair on, smirk never leaving his face. "You're so small now… what are you going to do to stop me from doing, saying or…" He sent a leering smile in Nelia's direction. "Taking whatever I please?"

Nelia slowly rose from her seat and walked to Zevran's side. She slowly wrapped a hand around his shoulder and placed it against his neck before squeezing slightly. "If you continue this line of provoking, I will be forced to take actions into my own hands." Her hand glowed blue for a moment. "I don't think you want that, do you Zev?"

"You have no idea how much I wish you'd take things into your hands my dear." Zevran looked up at her from over his shoulder. "But you're right. I'll leave the runt alone…" He waited until she returned to her seat, muttering about perverts the entire way, before continuing. "For now."

Alistair folded his arms and let out a little pout. "Alright… it's like this." He launched into a rather animated explanation of the past six years, taking the time to explain everything in detail.

The room erupted in laughter as he explained how he struggled through learning to talk and simply screamed at Morrigan for hours. They also laughed at the thought of not being able to walk and having to rely on Morrigan as transportation.

After an hour of his speech, he finally stopped and sighed. "And now I'm stuck in this blasted child's body… and hoping that I can convince some of you to help me return to my old self… or at least grow up faster… And really, do you have to laugh at me quite that much? I'm in need of help here!"

Leliana, who had been listening quickly to the entire speech, suddenly jumped up and ran to Alistair's side. She scooped him into her arms and gave him a tight hug. "You are so adorable! I understand your wish to return to normal… but can't we just keep you like this a little longer?"

The entire trip here and having to recount the last six years of his life had tired Alistiar's body out, so the most he could do against Leliana's hugging attack was flail weakly. "I hate my life." He whined.


End file.
